A couple in their early seventies sit down one afternoon. They want to “get around to” their own funeral while they can still do it together and with a clear head - so the children don’t have to guess later, and perhaps quarrel. They search online, and what they find is either an insurance form or a chain’s pre-planning calculator: anonymous, with tick-boxes, a price at the end. After a few minutes they give up. It feels like signing a contract - and that wasn’t what they were after.
What they were after was something else: to think about their own wishes, calmly, without pressure. Precisely that is what no one offers them. And precisely there lies an opportunity for a funeral director that no comparison portal and no chain can match.
Why the existing offers miss the need
The misunderstanding is already in the format. Online, pre-planning is almost always offered as one of two things: as a sale or as a blank form.
The sale is the insurer forms and the chain configurators. They’re built to lead to a close - choose the type of funeral, tick the extras, see the sum. For someone who really just wants to sort out what matters to them, that’s the wrong register. You’re treated as if you wanted to buy, when you wanted to think.
The blank form is the PDF templates - pre-planning folders to print, funeral directives as a template. They aren’t sales-driven, but they’re impersonal: a sheet of paper that guides no one through the questions, that has no connection to a real person you’d entrust these wishes to. You sit in front of it alone and often don’t know where to begin.
Between the two there’s a gap. What’s missing is a way that guides without selling - and that has a face.
Photo: aaronburden / Unsplash
What a dignified wishes questionnaire looks like
The idea is not a calculator and not a close, but a calmly guided flow that stays with the wishes and not with the products.
It begins not with a price list but with a person: the photo and name of the contact, with a line like “I’ll gladly go through your answers with you in person later.” From the start it’s clear that at the end there’s no machine but someone from the town. Then it goes step by step through the questions that matter: burial or cremation, a particular place, music, a song, a ritual, who should be told, what should on no account happen. All in plain language, nothing you can’t understand.
Two qualities are decisive. The flow can be paused any time and resumed later - you don’t answer questions like these in one sitting, you take a break in between, talk it over, come back. And at the end there’s a PDF: to print and put in your own folder, or as a basis for the personal conversation. No close, no signature, no price - an ordered list of wishes, nothing more, and that is exactly its value.
Where the line is drawn on purpose
Two things belong on the table, and both are not a shortcoming but intent.
The actual arrangement stays personal. When it comes to pre-planning with deposited sums, trust accounts and binding agreements, you want to know the person you settle it with - there the handshake at the table isn’t old-fashioned, it’s right. The questionnaire prepares that conversation, it doesn’t replace it. It eases the hesitation and orders the thoughts, so that at the appointment you can talk about specifics instead of starting from scratch.
And data protection here is no formality. Pre-planning wishes are among the most personal things a person has. So: only collect what’s genuinely needed for the conversation, state clearly what becomes of the entries, obtain consent - and, where possible, leave people the choice to generate the form just for themselves as a PDF, without anything reaching the business. Restraint here isn’t only legally required, it’s a sign of respect.
Photo: fionamurrayphoto / Unsplash
If closeness is your difference
What such a questionnaire looks like depends on your firm: which questions suit your way of accompanying people, how much guidance they need, how you shape the transition into the personal conversation. It can’t be taken off the shelf, because the tone in which you speak with grieving and pre-planning people is yours - and a standard tool won’t strike it.
If you’re considering how to implement something like this for your business with dignity: I’m Eric Menge of EMIT Solution, reachable at info@emit-solution.com and via emit-solution.com. I build tailored solutions like this myself and with the necessary sensitivity for a delicate field - one person who understands the site and the technology behind it, rather than imposing a finished product that looks the same for everyone.
FAQ
Does a questionnaire like this replace the personal pre-planning conversation?+
No, and it isn't meant to. It's the first step: people order their own wishes at home, calmly and without time pressure - type of funeral, music, order of service, who should be told. That doesn't make the personal conversation afterwards redundant, it makes it better: you then talk about specifics instead of starting from scratch. The actual arrangement stays deliberately reserved for the conversation.
What sets this apart from a pre-planning calculator or an insurer form?+
The calculator and the insurer form are geared toward closing a deal - they feel like a purchase, often anonymous and with no connection to a real person. A wishes questionnaire turns that around: it's not about products and prices but about your own ideas, and the contact has a face and a name. That's the difference between 'complete now' and 'think it over in peace'.
Isn't a printable PDF template simpler?+
There are plenty of templates, and they have their place. But they're impersonal and detached from the actual director - a sheet of paper guides no one through the questions and eases no one's hesitation. A calmly guided flow that asks step by step, can be paused any time and still produces a PDF to take away at the end combines both: the guidance and the document.
How do you handle data protection with such sensitive information?+
Very carefully. Pre-planning wishes are deeply personal, so: only collect what's genuinely needed for the conversation, state clearly what happens with the entries, and obtain consent. Whoever wishes should be able to generate the form as a PDF just for themselves, without anything reaching the business. Data minimalism here isn't only a duty, it's a matter of respect.
Which funeral directors is this worth it for?+
Above all for family firms that want to stand out from chains and comparison portals through closeness and trust. Exactly where personality is the decisive difference, a dignified wishes questionnaire can make that closeness felt before the first conversation - something an anonymous calculator structurally cannot do.
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